Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
