Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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