Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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