oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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