Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
