last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
