I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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