eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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