I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
