he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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