I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
