i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
