I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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