My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
