Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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