so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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