He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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