i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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