i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
