When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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