one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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