i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
