Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
