Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
