If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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