She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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