I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
