Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
where am i from again
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
