Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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