when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
