Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im just a social blackout drinker.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
