I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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