i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
