2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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