i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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