You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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