I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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