Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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