im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
