Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Panties = found
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
