Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
