I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
