a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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