grandma shit on top of the toilet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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