My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
