whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
