You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize