You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
