I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
