Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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