I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
bring money and cleavage
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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