I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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