I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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