my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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