I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
