it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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