Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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