In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize