Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
