I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
