the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
