she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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