you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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