I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
