the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
